caitaly's Cancer Blog

February 10, 2007

Since I can't control it I might as well enjoy the perks

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m still angry, I don’t know if I’ll get past my body letting me down. However it appears it’s trying to make-up for the trouble it’s put me through. The word is, “you look great”. Color’s good, rid myself of the salt and pepper hair and my jeans are considerably smaller. That in itself is a side-effect I never even thought of and I don’t want to get used too, because I’m not this size. I know that it’s a cosmic trick just when I think, “yep, that’s my size” I’m going to be wrong. I don’t know if it’s funhouse mirrors or what, but since I only waved at this size while growing up I know it’s not real. If I hadn’t already had so many needles stuck into me I’d ask someone to pinch me. I have noticed when I fold the laundry those jeans are there, I look at them and think, nope those aren’t mine, I know they can’t be because my butt’s not gonna fit in them, but (no pun intended) when it’s time to get dressed, it does. Had the doc done a bit of lipo while I was on table it would have been a really nice perk to go with the jeans. Since I was already going to suffer, he could have given me something to look forward too as an upgrade to my apperance after all the pain he was inflicting on me. When I mentioned it to him afterwards he apologized and said he just didn’t have time that day. I guess the cancer part was a bit more important right then. Pain just doesn’t do it for me so I’ll just have to work on the aforementioned area myself.

The little things, my appetite is less, good thing. The scar on my belly is long, bad thing. The scar on my belly has finally healed after four months, good thing. My attention span is about that of a three year old, good thing, it used to be that of a two year old. Stamina, my goodness what is that, I don’t have any right now so I’ll have to get back to you on it. Friends and family that help you survive, good thing. Insurance coverage a very good thing. Being back to work, good thing. No hair loss, good thing. Right smack dab into menopause, BAD thing. Right into menopause, good thing.

I’m just kind of rambling today. I needed to type, so here it is, I hope no one is offended that I prefer a smile even about this thing called cancer. Yesterday I wrote out my crying, today I laugh.

Posted on February 10, 2007 at 8:05:20 AM by Cecile ( Since I can't control it I might as well enjoy the perks, 1 comment)

I am happy to hear that something good comes out of bad things that happen.

Sherri

Posted on February 10, 2007 at 7:12:51 PM by karlak